Valerie Corral – 2
This particular illness damaged so many things–psychically as well as physically. Just as illness can enrich the spirit, and enhance our lives as we come to understand it, it is also true that it can undo us, damage our soul and pain the heart. It can do this to our loved ones too. I was like that–selfish in my suffering. It can get to be “all about me”, and that can be ugly, so I had to practice some other way of being. I found that marijuana really helped me practice making that mental shift necessary to discover the healing path. That doesn’t mean I believe in a panacea. I don’t really–not anything you can take anyway. But I do believe we are creatures of habit, so I try to have some influence over mine.
Sometimes I would have up to five grand mal seizures a day, paralyzing headaches, and aching body pain. I lived under a waterfall of pharmaceutical drunkenness. It was a full-time job for Mike and full-time hell for me. Doctors had prescribed me every anti-epileptic drug in the pharmacopoeia. These were really dangerous and addictive drugs–drugs that made me feel like I was crawling underwater, disconnected from this world and beaten down. They offered me more and more drugs, and none of them worked. I just kept having seizures. I couldn’t read, thoughts just tumbled around in my head. My illness was devouring me. It was cavernous and I was